Parenting teenagers is hard. I know because I parented two of them. They were the hardest moments of my life, and at times I never thought I would get through it. I was a single mom, which also made it tough. I didn’t have a spouse for support. I thought as my kids got older, I wouldn’t have to manage them so much, or have to provide so much supervision. As it turns out, teenagers need MORE supervision and management than younger children do.

When you stop to think about it, teenagers are trying to figure out who they want to be, and are looking for role models. Role models any more are movie stars, sports figures and pretty much any public figure that’s making headlines. Not all of them are good role models, in fact most aren’t. But from a kid’s perspective, who doesn’t want to be “cool” and popular? It doesn’t matter how warped your personality is as long as you get attention, even if it’s bad attention. This is supported by all the “reality TV” shows that have infected every television network. I can’t believe the crap they show on television any more. But I can’t get distracted right now.

How does a parent compete with all that!!? How do you try to instill good manners, self-esteem and self respect in your children when everything around them teaches them just the opposite? There is really only one way….spend more one on one time with your children. No, this does nothing to help with your already “jam packed schedule,” but it will be the best investment in the long run. Kids get lost in all the other things so readily available through media outlets. This includes, social media outlets, which are the worst. If they aren’t “distracted” with time spent with you, they will be distracted by social media and what it has to offer.

Time spent doesn’t have to be endless hours; it can be an evening where everyone sits down at the dinner table and talks about their day.  Clean house with them while listening to your favorite music and make it fun.  Take an hour or two for a board game or cards. Have your teenagers help you cook dinner. They will learn how to cook and you will be “together.” All these things don’t put your entire evening “out of joint,” but just the interaction with your kids will create a bond and self-respect they can’t get anywhere else.

Limit the amount of time your kids spend on electronics. This includes tablets, phones and games. After spending an entire day at school with their friends do they really need to keep up with them all night too? That should be family time. And for goodness sake, don’t let them take the phone to bed with them. All electronics should be “checked in” to one spot that is controlled by mom and dad, not to be touched again until the next day.

I am thankful electronics weren’t an issue when my kids were growing up. Television was bad enough. But when we finished evening dishes, we would all snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie together. It wasn’t rocket science, but those moments brought us closer together and we still talk about those movies today.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always this easy!

There are going to be times when your beautiful child is going to transform into a teenage, holy terror with grotesque sputum coming from their mouths. You will look at them in disbelief, wondering who’s child that is. Remember a few things, they are operating on emotions caused by hormones, that their brains are bathing in all day long. They don’t understand it any more than you do, and they are angry, upset and irrational. They are exposed to peer pressure we can’t even imagine, and social media images of how they should look and act. Really what they need and want, is a parent who can help calm it all down and put everything into perspective for them. They won’t tell you this, because it just wouldn’t look cool to their friends, but it gives them a great excuse to say, “mom or dad is making me.” Yes, you get to be the “bad cop” for your kids.

Your kids will call you names and yell at you, maybe even tell you how much they hate you, and they will lie to you, but most importantly, don’t give up on them. Remember, they are just kids. Their minds are still those of kids. They don’t understand what’s happening with them either. You are the most important person in their life when they become teenagers. (Pre-teens too). They need to feel like you are a “safe place” they can come to and talk things over with, when shit hits the fan, and trust me, there will be times when it does.

Don’t give up on your child. It will be the longest lasting reward you ever have. This is a time where the relationship with your child will grow stronger or fall apart. If you give up on your child, they will give up on you. The anger and distance will just get stronger and further apart. Don’t expect your children to tell you what a great parent you are; they are just children. Those realizations will come later in life when they have their own families.  During the teenage years, you will feel so unappreciated and like you are a complete failure.  You’re not.

DON’T give up on your children. They need you and you are the parent, the adult, the person who is supposed to offer support and guidance through this time of life. You will be the biggest influence on their self respect and self-esteem. Make the time you spend with them, quality time. I don’t ever consider myself to be the greatest parent, but then I don’t know anyone who is. Life doesn’t come with a manual; it’s just important to try and give it everything you have.

Don’t give up on your children, and it’s ok to admit when you make mistakes. It’s important that they also see you as human. Human’s make mistakes. Learn from them and move on. It’s the same thing you teach them. Don’t let their mistakes become an anchor they can’t shake off. Help them learn from their mistakes and move on.

Be a parent. Don’t give up on your children.