Posted on by Chasing Worms

No Answers for Depression

Have you ever found yourself depressed because someone you care about is depressed and you don’t know what to do for them?

Depression is a funny thing.  (funny as in weird).  It also affects the people around the one who is depressed.  In my case, the person I care about, who is depressed, would not admit they are depressed, and so they don’t want any help, but can’t seem to pull themselves out of it. 

Their doctor won’t talk to you because of “doctor/patient confidentiality” and will act insulted when you ask them about it. Some people have mental health issues, not just depression. It doesn’t matter. Within the mental health community, the outcome is still the same….nothing. Nope, you have to wait until something drastic happens, before hospitals or doctors will do anything. I literally know of someone who went to an emergency room while having a mental health crises because they felt like they were going to hurt themself. The hospital turned them away!

Depression not only causes problems for the person depressed but also the family members trying to help them. 

If the person depressed is over 18 years of age, you can forget about helping them; doctors won’t listen to you, emergency personnel won’t listen to you, nobody will!  And so you feel helpless.  You get to sit and watch the person you love, go through mental anguish they are feeling and you can’t help them because they don’t share it.

Why does the medical industry make it so hard to get someone help?  Instead they turn their back on you, and the person needing help.  Parents or spouses don’t seem to have any ability to get their loved ones the help they need.  They might as well be a three-headed monster, because that’s the way physicians look at parents.

Running into these brick walls make you realize how broken the system is, and how little you can do.  That is enough to make you feel depressed.  Those suffering with depression are pretty much going it alone, unless they are the ones to seek help, and most of the time they don’t.  Ugh, it just gives me a gut ache thinking about it.

I have no answers to include in this writing.  I’m just venting.  I think two years of lockdowns, insanity and tragic events have had their toll on a lot of people.  I’m surprised more people aren’t going through depression.

For anyone depressed or in any state of mental health crises, please reach out to someone you trust for help. If you can’t do that, please call the Suicide and Crises Hotline by simply dialing 988. God Bless everyone going through this and dealing with it. It’s not easy.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Writing my way out of a block

I have been gone from writing for too long.  You might say, “life” just got in the way.  I think of a country song, that best describes it; “…this crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life.”   That describes, without detail, pretty much everything.

I’ve been reading a few blogs lately, trying to be inspired again (not that I haven’t been), but to find something to help me write my way out of a block.  This month is poetry month.  Not that I’m a poet, but my young middle school self, thought she was pretty good at it when she would huddle with her best friend and pop out love poems that only pre-teens can imagine.

A writing site, which I’m a member of, posts things for inspiration that I usually never do, but today I decided to try my hand at it.  The instructions were: What do you love? What have you lost? What’s your favorite thing in nature? Let’s combine them into a poem!  Here’s what I came up with.

The sun’s warmth
pinches my cheeks.
Its light brightens the room
just like dad did when he walked in;
when he wasn’t just a memory.

I watch an Osprey
perched high on our boat mast,
spread it’s wings and demand attention
to the present, leaving the
past behind…for now.

Sometimes what you love, lost, and favorite things, can best be described in how you write about it.   I obviously don’t do any rhyming…well not since I got past those pre-teen years.  I don’t consider myself to be a poet, but this has sure helped to break the block.
Posted on by Chasing Worms

Loving

Sitting here tonight, grandbaby number twelve came into this world. I am so excited for our youngest son and his wife.

This little, tiny human being I love so much and yet I don’t even know her yet. I love all my grandchildren equally so. I hurt when they hurt. I’m excited for every little accomplishment they make…every new step, and new word; every achievement in school and award.

I’m amazed how much love one can have in their heart. Parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, close friends, relatives…..We love them all, though it may be different, we still love them. Even with all that love, our hearts are deep enough and have the capacity to love more. That’s pretty amazing to me.

Life has taught me to open up and give love. And when we open up to love, we also open up to receiving love. You can’t have one without the other. That’s the deal. It’s like the wheel that keeps on turning, and the momentum keeps moving with the love you give.

There are a lot of things that can make us mad, every day, but there are even more things to be grateful for and to smile about.

I’m feeling pretty blessed.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Not by Birth, But by Love

He was someone else’s dad. He wasn’t mine. Sort of. He was someone they loved, like no one else could. Sort of. I was there in the midst of it all. His kindness included me. His hugs made me feel I belonged. His smile brightened my heart.

When he found out his son and I were getting married, he took my hand, smiled at me and said, “My family just keeps getting bigger.” He was my dad. Sort of. Not by birth, but by love.

I sat in the corner by myself, while his children grieved his loss. No one could love him like they did. Sort of. I stayed silent, afraid to intrude, my heart breaking deeply. I was his daughter. Sort of. I cared for him, I fed him. I loved him. He was my dad too. Sort of. Not by birth, but by love.

My tears flowed, while I sat silent. Afraid to interrupt their grief, afraid to offend them with mine. I miss him. He was my dad. Sort of. Not by birth, but by love.

Broken Heart_websize
Painting by Carla Wormington. “Broken Heart”

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Don’t Give Up On Your Children

Parenting teenagers is hard. I know because I parented two of them. They were the hardest moments of my life, and at times I never thought I would get through it. I was a single mom, which also made it tough. I didn’t have a spouse for support. I thought as my kids got older, I wouldn’t have to manage them so much, or have to provide so much supervision. As it turns out, teenagers need MORE supervision and management than younger children do.

When you stop to think about it, teenagers are trying to figure out who they want to be, and are looking for role models. Role models any more are movie stars, sports figures and pretty much any public figure that’s making headlines. Not all of them are good role models, in fact most aren’t. But from a kid’s perspective, who doesn’t want to be “cool” and popular? It doesn’t matter how warped your personality is as long as you get attention, even if it’s bad attention. This is supported by all the “reality TV” shows that have infected every television network. I can’t believe the crap they show on television any more. But I can’t get distracted right now.

How does a parent compete with all that!!? How do you try to instill good manners, self-esteem and self respect in your children when everything around them teaches them just the opposite? There is really only one way….spend more one on one time with your children. No, this does nothing to help with your already “jam packed schedule,” but it will be the best investment in the long run. Kids get lost in all the other things so readily available through media outlets. This includes, social media outlets, which are the worst. If they aren’t “distracted” with time spent with you, they will be distracted by social media and what it has to offer.

Time spent doesn’t have to be endless hours; it can be an evening where everyone sits down at the dinner table and talks about their day.  Clean house with them while listening to your favorite music and make it fun.  Take an hour or two for a board game or cards. Have your teenagers help you cook dinner. They will learn how to cook and you will be “together.” All these things don’t put your entire evening “out of joint,” but just the interaction with your kids will create a bond and self-respect they can’t get anywhere else.

Limit the amount of time your kids spend on electronics. This includes tablets, phones and games. After spending an entire day at school with their friends do they really need to keep up with them all night too? That should be family time. And for goodness sake, don’t let them take the phone to bed with them. All electronics should be “checked in” to one spot that is controlled by mom and dad, not to be touched again until the next day.

I am thankful electronics weren’t an issue when my kids were growing up. Television was bad enough. But when we finished evening dishes, we would all snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie together. It wasn’t rocket science, but those moments brought us closer together and we still talk about those movies today.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always this easy!

There are going to be times when your beautiful child is going to transform into a teenage, holy terror with grotesque sputum coming from their mouths. You will look at them in disbelief, wondering who’s child that is. Remember a few things, they are operating on emotions caused by hormones, that their brains are bathing in all day long. They don’t understand it any more than you do, and they are angry, upset and irrational. They are exposed to peer pressure we can’t even imagine, and social media images of how they should look and act. Really what they need and want, is a parent who can help calm it all down and put everything into perspective for them. They won’t tell you this, because it just wouldn’t look cool to their friends, but it gives them a great excuse to say, “mom or dad is making me.” Yes, you get to be the “bad cop” for your kids.

Your kids will call you names and yell at you, maybe even tell you how much they hate you, and they will lie to you, but most importantly, don’t give up on them. Remember, they are just kids. Their minds are still those of kids. They don’t understand what’s happening with them either. You are the most important person in their life when they become teenagers. (Pre-teens too). They need to feel like you are a “safe place” they can come to and talk things over with, when shit hits the fan, and trust me, there will be times when it does.

Don’t give up on your child. It will be the longest lasting reward you ever have. This is a time where the relationship with your child will grow stronger or fall apart. If you give up on your child, they will give up on you. The anger and distance will just get stronger and further apart. Don’t expect your children to tell you what a great parent you are; they are just children. Those realizations will come later in life when they have their own families.  During the teenage years, you will feel so unappreciated and like you are a complete failure.  You’re not.

DON’T give up on your children. They need you and you are the parent, the adult, the person who is supposed to offer support and guidance through this time of life. You will be the biggest influence on their self respect and self-esteem. Make the time you spend with them, quality time. I don’t ever consider myself to be the greatest parent, but then I don’t know anyone who is. Life doesn’t come with a manual; it’s just important to try and give it everything you have.

Don’t give up on your children, and it’s ok to admit when you make mistakes. It’s important that they also see you as human. Human’s make mistakes. Learn from them and move on. It’s the same thing you teach them. Don’t let their mistakes become an anchor they can’t shake off. Help them learn from their mistakes and move on.

Be a parent. Don’t give up on your children.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

A Life Set Aside

I watched a film tonight about a man who moved back home to take care of his father who had Alzheimers. The son was so upset at his dad because he forgot some of the most basic things, like putting on his pants before going outside, brushing his teeth or combing his hair. I watched as he screamed at his dad, held him down and berated him for his stupidity.

All this brought back memories of friends who went through the same frustrations trying to manage a parent in different stages of Alzheimers. I remember thinking, how sad they would feel so resentful of their parent for getting ill.

Those same grown-up kids were once the child, and I’m sure it was very disrupting for their parents as well. Have they thought about that? When it gets hard feeding their parents, changing their clothes, and watching over them, those children throw up their hands and put the parent in a nursing home to let someone else manage the responsibilities. Sometimes it is the best thing, but not always, and in a lot of situations the kids never come back to visit once they have “unloaded” the parent.

I read somewhere that the average lifespan of someone once they go into a nursing home is 1.5 years. In other words, they  just wait to die. That tugs at my heart. I worked in a nursing home when I was young. The work was hard but the rewards were great. The elderly people I took care of, would love to tell me stories of their life.   A couple of ladies crocheted ribbons for my hair and loved playing cards. Mostly, they all just loved having company and being able to interact with other people.

I thought of my own aunt who had been placed in a nursing home by her husband, and he also checked himself in, because he didn’t want to be without her. He just found it difficult to take care of her on his own since she had suffered a stroke. They still got to be together every day. The kids never came to visit. I lived so far away, that I could only see them every 5-6 months. One day, just little more than a year after being in the nursing home, her husband died of a heart attack. No one expected that. My aunt out lived her husband by one year and every time I would visit, she cried.  The time was spent comforting her.   She was lonely and missed him terribly, she wanted to go “home” to be be with him.  Even though I did very little talking on those visits, she got so much from me just being there.  Usually by the time I had to leave, she was smiling and laughing again.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but I hope I would not do that to my mother. She can be stubborn, and luckily she is still healthy as a horse, but the only thing she wants, is for her children to respect her decisions she makes for herself, and to not treat her like a little kid. That’s a pretty simple request.

What would it have been like, had our parents thrown up their hands when we were babies, or toddlers and given us to someone else, because they were tired of dirty diapers, midnight feedings, crying and everything else that little ones demand? How many times do you suppose they were tired and felt their life would never be the same? How many times do you suppose one or both of them cried because they felt like they reached their breaking point? Even if they reached the end of their “rope” they never gave up, and they continued to love you and care for you because they wanted you to have the best life they could imagine for you.

I know taking care of an elderly parent is hard. I went through that with a sick parent. It’s very hard. The thing that helped me get through the tough days was when I tried to put myself in their shoes, and wonder how my attitude would be if I were in pain every day, or if I went through days wondering why I couldn’t remember anything from one moment to the next. How terrifying that would be. I can’t imagine adding more stress on to a parent because my impatience and selfishness couldn’t take it any more.

I can only hope that as I get older, I pray that those I love, will have the patience and love to help me cope, and to not give up on me.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

She is a Spitfire

Today my husband and I got into conversations about our lives as kids growing up. My fondest memories of my mother are of her being a spitfire that set people in their place. What was so interesting about our conversation is that I had just gone down this memory lane with my mother about a week ago. How ironic.

I asked my mother if she remembered the time my school (Jr. High) called her because they felt my skirt was too short. (This was when mini skirts had just come in style). “Oh Yes!” she told me and continued the story.

“When I got a call from the principal saying I needed to take you home to change your clothes, I got mad! I put on my shortest skirt which was just below my ass, and put on my GoGo boots! (My mother’s skirts were much shorter than mine.) I marched into his office and let him know I was not about to make my daughter wear anything different than I would! And if they didn’t like you showing your underwear, they shouldn’t have you bowling in PE in your skirt! (That was the reason I got into trouble). They should have the decency to let you put on shorts. I gave him an earful and the poor bastard didn’t know what to say, but he let you go back to class and I never heard anything again about the way you were dressed!”

As my mother recanted that story, I could hear the rebellous pride in her voice, and then she started giggling like a little girl. Moments like those in my life, watching my mother stand up for what she believed in, also taught me that it’s ok to question anything that I don’t agree with or feel comfortable about. It’s ok, to go against the grain, to be different from what everyone else is doing. My mom was never the greatest mom. But she had some great moments.

Now my mom is 78 and our relationship is better than it ever was. She is much more calm than she was when I was growing up, and people would never suspect the colorful life my mother had. But when I look at her now and those memories run through my mind, I understand why she is still so headstrong. It’s part of her DNA. It’s the accumulation of her experiences, good or bad. It took me a long time to get to this point where I could see her as all of that, instead of just being angry because she wasn’t the mother I wanted her to be.

I also realize that my journey with her is part of my accumulated experiences that have made me who I am also, and I am thankful I have her spitfire in me.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Finding Forgiveness

This morning as I sat outside with a cup of coffee I thought about the people I love, and the struggles they find themselves in. Not that everyone doesn’t have struggles at times, but I’m talking about the struggles that keep people from being able to move forward with their life and be happy.

One little thing can help them move forward, and that is forgiveness. That little word carries more power than an army; it has a deeper, long-lasting affect on people than going hungry. It is the not forgiving that freezes our mind, continues to create fear, and fuels the anger burning inside.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean to forget, but most people can’t understand that. For every person I’ve heard say, “I’ll never forgive him/her” I think about the emotional chains they have just bound around their self. Not forgiving binds us to the person that hurt us. Forgiveness releases us from that person or persons, and allows us to move forward in our life and be happy. The bad memories don’t hold power any more, and very quickly the mind is able to focus on everything beautiful in life. Those bad experiences become a distant dream. You can still learn from those experiences without allowing yourself to drown in it. Choose the things you need to know to protect yourself in the future and understand that you never have control over someone else and their behavior. You only have control over your own actions and words.

I thought about those two people I love and still hear the anger in their voice when they call; the hurt and anxiety over something that happened more than 15 years ago is still fresh as if it happened yesterday. I want to help them, but I can’t. I can only continue to love them and offer any encouragement I can, when they ask. Unless they are ready, any help is just brushed aside.

So I sent them a prayer this morning for peace. At some point we all get tired of the anger dragging us down and eventually we become anxious to release those bad memories. The more energy we give to it, the bigger, stronger and long-lasting it will be.

At some point, they will reach their breaking point and the need to let go, and then they will find forgiveness. I hope it’s soon.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Pondering Life and Memories

I find that as I get older, moments and memories have so much more meaning to me, if that’s at all possible. I have always had my heart on my sleeve or so I’ve been told. I’m an open book. There’s no guessing how I feel about something; even if I don’t verbalize it you can see it written all over my face.

In twenty-four hours I’m face to face with the reality of life and death. Yesterday I mourned the first anniversary of a good friend’s death. She was my best friend through junior high school (where we met), and high school. I was her maid of honor at her wedding. We both love art. And that’s how we got so close. All through school, we took the same art classes, talked about it on the phone; we even sold our art work when we could. We weren’t the most popular in school….actually we weren’t popular at all, more like a little on the “nerdy” side but not to the point where people didn’t want to hang around us.

It was the days of maxi dresses, long straight hair, Gremlin cars, and rock and roll. When our friends were cutting class and going down to the river for fun, drinking and skinny dipping; Patti and I would be sitting in classes with our “nose to the canvas” you might say.

Our favorite class of course was our art class with Miss Pollack. She must have seen some promise in our art work, because Miss Pollack applied for scholarships to the University of Kansas Summer Art Program for us. Maybe it was just our enthusiasm that made her do it. In any case, the University gave us partial scholarships, so that meant we had to raise the money to cover the rest of the tuition. Patti and I worked hard, after school and on weekends. We had cupcake sales outside of the grocery store in town and sold our art work, in an effort to raise the tuition. In short, Patti ended up going to Kansas and I didn’t, but she left promising to bring back her books and tell me everything she learned. Patti kept her promise like a true friend. It was a great summer.

Like most people after graduating high school, we all went our separate ways, but Patti and I kept in touch. Not as much as either of us would like but when we did talk again or visit, it was like we had never been apart. Patti pursued her art while raising a family and I gave mine up for a lot of years until my children were grown and then I rekindled my love for art. Now Patti is gone, way too young and I miss her and the times we talked. Patti had three loves; her children, her husband and her art. She loved talking about all three. Patti was a beautiful person, inside and out and it transcended through her art work. I find my heart has an empty place that she filled.

With the over whelming emotions of missing Patti last night, I woke this morning to a new blog posted by another friend; one much younger who is just starting this life journey with her new husband and now a baby. I find myself welling up with emotion again as I read her blog and see how she is growing and experiencing all the feelings that new mother’s feel about their children. It’s a feeling you don’t understand until you become a mother. You never understand the human capacity to love until you have children.

Even if I were just an observer…which really that’s all we are…I realize those familiar things in my life are passing buy, including the people.  It’s like watching my life pass by in slow motion and all those little things that were significant moments for me are gone.  It makes me feel very melancholy.  At the same time I’m so excited about all the new babies being born, and watching young people starting out on their own journey.  Life continues to be born in various ways all around us, and other seasons pass away silently but not without mourning.  Life always gives way to life.  What matters is what you do with that journey and how many memories you make and leave behind.

Posted on by Chasing Worms

Behind the New Year – Reflections

Some people seem to have their act together and get things done….boom, boom,boom….finished!  Looking at them, they appear so organized and controlled.  Well, that’s not me!  First, my job is completely disorganized so there is no way I can keep the rest of my life organized!  since my day job is real estate, I’m sure you can understand that when people call and want to go look at homes, you just can’t say no!  Not if you want to make a living at it.  🙂  Yes, well…I keep telling myself I’m going to take control of my time back but it’s very clear I haven’t.  This is my first blog for the new year!  Happy New Year!!   Ha ha ha ha…only four months late!

So life goes….I was sick the first month and still worked.  Helped my fiancee with projects….still worked.  Sold some paintings….still worked.  Started planning for my wedding….and still worked.  Crap!  I’m surprised I get anything done at all!  I’m really surprised I got well!!  And I’m still working!  🙂

Big news….after being engaged now for a year and half, I finally got my butt in gear and started the planning!  Nothing like waiting til the last 8 months! 

I lost a good friend of mine this past week.  A fellow artist.  She was quite a remarkable woman to say the least.  So extremely talented and such a big heart.  She was born without any arms.  It never stopped her from doing anything.  She could do everything any other person could do but she did it with her feet.  That’s how she painted also….with her feet.  She never let anyone tell her she couldn’t do something.  Not even her mother.  Her sister told a story about her when she was ten.  They went to the city pool and her mother never would let her go beyond the shallow end.  To her mother’s shock, her young daughter walked to the deep end of the pool, dove in and using her strong legs, kicked and moved herself like a dolphin to the shallow end of the pool.  She stood up and walked up the steps out of the pool, looked at her mother and said, “don’t ever tell me I can’t do anything again.”  That’s the lady I got to know.  She was persistant, never a quiter and stubborn as hell.  She had a heart the size of the sun.  I’m going to miss her.  She was only 58.

Being sick and laying in bed gives you a lot of time to do nothing but think; sick for 6 weeks and in bed for two.  That was how I rang in the new year.  It’s a terrible way to suddenly take stock of one’s life, but I think most of us go through it at least once when our world gets shaken up.

2010 was the most profound year for me in so many ways.  I lost someone very dear to me and then there were friends who lost someone dear to them, and it seemed like the year was going in the wrong direction.  I tried thinking about all the other things that happened and realized there were also some very good things.

My little sister found her biological father and I got to help her do that.  I’ve always known about him but she had only heard “rumors.”  My little sister is what one would truly term…”a love child.”  She was the product of a love affair.  The relationship they have had since meeting has continued to be a good one.  I know how much I cried when he decided to be part of her life and make up for all the time they had missed.  I was so happy for her getting this chance and I thought of my own father who died when I was just two; I would never have that opportunity.  

Then I reconnected with another little sister of mine.  We had been estranged for years; a bad situation that had been made worse by our mother.  It was a little nerve wracking at first….how do I start, is she different (I hoped so, in a good way), what will I do if things don’t go well….but I never had to worry about any of it.  It was a little slow to start but then things got more comfortable and easy.  It was nice talking to her and it feels good having her back in my life again.

I reconnected with my older brother who had estranged himself from the family a few years ago.  It was sad that I found out he was sick but he has since gotten better and so has our relationship.  It wasn’t like we weren’t close before, just that our lives had taken different paths and then there are things that all of us do that are stupid, bad decisions, in appropriate things said or done, and suddenly a division.  When I saw him in the hospital for the first time in years, we both cried. 

I’ve learned that no matter what happens in a family, there is something so comforting in being able to connect with the siblings you spent most of your life growing up with.  You loved them when you were little, unconditionally, and you still love them deep down inside and want things to be the same way they were when nothing mattered but the next time you played kick the can, or king of the mountain.

There are plenty of skeletons in everyone’s closet.  Most of us, if not all of us have suffered some sort of emotional and/or physical trauma in our lives that change the way we think about things and have an influence on the way we are today.  But how much of the really bad baggage do we want to carry around?  Why can’t we let it go?  I spent years trying to shed my baggage and I had some pretty nasty stuff.  Shedding my baggage meant that I would have to forgive the people that I felt hurt me.  That’s a heck of a lot easier said than done.  It took me a long time to understand, that just because I can forgive someone for past wrongs doesn’t mean I won’t forget, but I had to quit re-remembering if I were to move on with my life. 

I developed a trust issue from my baggage.  Did forgiving someone mean I had to trust them again?  Depending on what type of trauma, I learned…not necessarily.  I am better with trust now but not so quickly to give it away.  It now has to be earned.

I know some of my siblings and even my children have had their own traumas, where trust has been broken and childhoods robbed.  As they have gotten older, like me, they have somehow come to terms with a few of those issues and others they have chosen to bury and not speak of, maybe in hopes that the memory will fade.  But memories have a terrible way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it and I’m forever amazed how the feelings can still remain so fresh many years later.

I got engaged last year (as I mentioned earlier), to the love of my life whom I never thought would ever want to marry again.  Like me, he experienced a bad divorce.  After living together for a few years and suddenly being apart for a couple of months, he knew he didn’t ever want to be without me again.  This year I get to plan a wedding.  I learned there is no greater feeling than knowing someone loves you as much as you do them; knowing that you connect with one other person in this world on so many levels.  It’s freeing, and I no longer feel like I have to hold anything back to protect myself.  Loving someone doesn’t mean you will never have arguments…..but forgetting what those arguments were about at all. 

I watched my daughter become her own woman this past year.  She moved to another state, following her job and her own dreams.  She really came into her own, making new friends, settling in and she learned that she too could do anything she believed she could, and she didn’t need to rely on anyone else.  For the first time in my life, I didn’t worry about her so much.  I’m so happy for her.

My son has transformed into a great dad over the last three years with the birth of his son.  I’m so amazed when I see how he has bonded so closely with his son, something he never experienced with his own father.  My son’s emotional pain growing up has made him a good father.  I am so optimistic about his future.

Every day it seems I have some experience, or maybe even hear a song….something that reminds me of something else and causes me to reflect on life.  Maybe that’s part of growing older or maybe it’s part of another growth period for me.  I’m not sure which but I’m paying attention.

Today, I got an email from another friend and she talked about how we should be patient with people….and as her mother taught her, “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

I thought about all the times my mother said that to me and I realized, my mother and my friend’s mother, had mother’s who obviously told them that, who told it to their children and I told it to mine also.  That’s how we pass things down through the generations without anyone really noticing.  That’s why bad patterns can also be so difficult to change.  But we can do it.  We are all strong enough to make the changes we want in our life.

I’m happier than I’ve ever been and there are so many great things that have happened this last year….it wasn’t all sad.  I can only imagine that this year will be twice as great.  So I don’t care if I’m behind the New Year.  This is just me for now.  It won’t always be this crazy but then I also have so much to be thankful for.