This week, like everyone else in this country, I’ve been reminded of September 11, 2001, as we come upon the 10^th anniversary.  Watching the news re-run moments of that day, and listening to the stories of survivors as well as those who perished, brings back the emotions that choked up in my chest that morning.

The morning of 9/11 was unremarkable.  It started out like any other day as I got myself ready for work.  My sister-in-law called me….

“Carla have you got CNN on?”  Her voice was frantic.

“No, I don’t.  What’s going on?”

“Turn it on, turn it on, you’ve got to turn it on!!”

She was scaring me now.  I ran into the living room and flipped on the tv and saw smoke billowing from the world trade center.  I watched as the news anchor told everyone that an airplane had crashed into the building.  I couldn’t believe it.  How did that happen?  No one knew.

I sat down on my couch, forgetting about work.  A few minutes later I watched a second airplane plow right through the second tower.  People on the news were screaming and I could hear the fear in their voices.  I felt my own fear rise in my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs.  I couldn’t breathe.  A million thoughts went through my mind; who’s doing this; where is our military; does our president know about this and where is he at; do I know anyone who is in NY right now, where are my kids and I have to call my boyfriend.  My mind raced through a thousand frames of who, what, how, why….why WHY???

I didn’t go to work that day.  I was glued to the television for the next two months.  It consumed me.  I cried with every story of each life lost, and the pain of those who lost their loved ones.  It was my pain too.  How could a total stranger inflict such horror on innocent people?  I didn’t sleep much for awhile.  I kept wondering if it would happen again.  I was scared for my children and my grandchildren.

Life has changed a lot since then.  Travel has become an inconvenience but not safer.  For all the traveling I’ve done since 9/11, I’ve stood in very long security lines, taken off my shoes, my jackets, jewelry, been scanned, patted down and still have made it through their scrutiny with mace and a Swiss army knife in my purse.   Not that I did it intentionally.  I just forgot they were in there and noticed it when I got to my destinations.  “Ooooops!”  It did little for my confidence in TSA.

We got the Patriot Act after 9/11.  There are very few that understand what this new act does to the American people.  Government is more secretive than ever.  Most information about our government that we used to have access to online has been removed.  It’s our government…it shouldn’t have been.  Our private records and phone calls are now open to our government and weren’t before, including medical records.  Our right to privacy has been taken away.  And there is censorship with all of the military operations in the Middle East.  Oh I’m not talking about secret missions.  I’m talking about the reporter that is covering the stories over there and they are required to submit their articles to the military commander to have it approved or rejected first before it reaches the newsroom.  No one ever thought our government would censor our news, but it’s happened.  Each news affiliate pretends we are getting the “straight scoop” from them, when in actuality our government is controlling how much and what kind of information is disseminated to the public.

We are into our second president since 9/11 and still no one seems to be in a hurry to do away with the Patriot Act even though Osama Bin Laden is finally dead.

I don’t feel any safer than I did on 9/11 but now I’m not only afraid of terrorist threats, I’m afraid of my own government.

I really hope that all the families that suffered a loss on that tragic day, and those who survived, can find some peace in their soul.